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What's another word for a python?
A mega-bite.

Why do bees hum?
Because they've forgotten the words.

When Ben hit his thumb with a hammer he let out a few choice words. Shocked by her son's outburst, his mother said, "Don't you dare use that kind of language in here." "William Shakespeare did," replied Ben. "Well, you'd better stop going around with him," said Mom.

What word allows you to take away two letters and get one?
Stone.

School Principal: I've called you into my office, Peter, because I want to talk to you about two words I wish you wouldn't use so often. One is "great" and the other is "lousy." Peter: Certainly, sir. What are they?

Three men were in the dock, and the judge, who had a terrible squint, said to the first, "How do you plead?" "Not guilty," said the second. "I'm not talking to you," snapped the judge. "I didn't say a word," said the third.

Crossword Fan: I've been trying to think of a word for two weeks!
Friend: How about a fortnight?