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What did the executioner say to his wife?
Only thirty chopping days to Christmas.

First cannibal: My wife's a tough old bird.
Second cannibal: You should have left her in the oven for another half an hour.

First man: My wife eats like a bird.
Second man: You mean she hardly eats a thing?
First man: No, she eats slugs and worms.

My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every so often, she has to stop to breathe.

A man walked into a shop selling dress fabrics and said, "I'd like 6 meters of pink satan for my wife."
"It's satin, sir, not satan," said assistant. "Satan is something that looks like the devil."
"Oh," said the man, "you know my wife?"

A man who forgets his wife's birthday is certain to get something to remember her by.

I'm suffering from bad breath
You should do something about it!
I did.
I just sent my wife to the dentist.

Mr Jones: I hate to tell you, but your wife just fell in the wishing well.
Mr Smith: So it works!

I've never known anyone to have such a biased outlook as my wife!

Why do you say that?

When we go shopping, it's always bias this, bias that.