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Home - V - Vampire Jokes

What is a vampire's favourite food ?
Neck-tarines !

What is a vampire's favourite soup ?
Scream of mushroom !

What happened to the two mad vampires?
They both went a little batty.

What do vampires cross the sea in?
Blood vessels.

What do vampire footballers have at half-time?
Blood oranges.

Why did the vampire take up acting?
It was in his blood.

Who plays center forward for the vampire football team?
The ghoulscorer.

Which vampire ate the three bears' porridge?
Ghouldilocks.

Which vampire tried to eat James Bond?
Ghouldfinger.

When do vampires bite you?
On Wincedays.

Why did the vampire enjoy ballroom dancing?
He could really get into the vaultz.

What is the first thing that vampires learn at school?
The alphabat.

1st vampire: How things?
2nd vampire: Terrible! Today I received a letter saying I'm overdrawn by 50 pints at the blood bank.

Why is Hollywood full of vampires?
They need someone to play the bit parts.

Why wouldn't the vampire eat his soup?
It clotted.

What's a vampire's favorite animal?
A giraffe.

Why was the young vampire a failure?
Because he fainted at the sight of blood.

What is the vampire's favorite slogan?
Please Give Blood Generously.

How does a vampire clean his house?
With a victim cleaner.

What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower?
A bat mat.

What do you call a vampire junkie?
Count Drugula.

What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Batminton.

Why do vampires hate arguments?
Because they make themselves cross.

Did you hear about the vampire who died of a broken heart?
He had loved in vein.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Jamie.
Jamie who?
Jamie'n you're a vampire?

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Twyla.
Twyla who?
Twylight is when the vampires and ghoulies come out to play.

Did you hear about the vampire who got married?
He proposed to his girl-fiend.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Neil.
Neil who?
Neil down before the vampire king!

Two men were having a drink together.
One said, "I'd rather live with a vampire than with my wife."
"Why's that?" asked the other.
"Because she's always trying to bite my head off," he replied.

Why did the vampire have pedestrian eyes?
They looked both ways before they crossed.

What do you call a vampire after it is one-year-old?
A two-year-old vampire.

Why was the vampire thought of as simple-minded?
Because he was a complete sucker.

What's a vampire's favorite hobby?
In-grave-ing.

What do vampires gamble with?
Stake money.

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