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Patient: Doctor, doctor, I feel terrible. I can hardly breathe, I can't walk, I keep having palpitations and my skin is covered in nasty blotches.
Doctor: Oh dear.
Patient: Are you writing me a prescription?
Doctor: No, a note for the undertaker.
How do undertakers speak?
Do undertakers enjoy their job?
Of corpse they do.
Why did the undertaker chop all his corpses into little bits?
Because he liked them to rest in pieces.
What did the undertaker say to his girlfriend?
Em-balmy about you.