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I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased!
But that's the problem - you don't please anyone.

Fred: What's that terribly ugly thing on your shoulders?
Harry: Help! What is it?
Fred: Your head!

She's so ugly that when a wasp stings her it shuts its eyes.

What do you call a huge, ugly, slobbering, furry monster with cotton wool in his ears?
Anything you like ? he can't hear you.