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What is the safest way to see a shark?
On television.

How did the ghost song-and-dance act make a living?
By appearing in television spooktaculars.

Doctor, I keep stealing things.
What can I do?
Try to resist the temptation, but if you can't, get me a new television.

I can't understand the critics saying that only an idiot would like that television program.
I really enjoyed it.

What's on television tonight ?
Same as always - a vase of flowers and a bowl of fruit.

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