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What do you do when two snails have a fight?
Leave them to slug it out.

How do snails get their shells all shiny?
They use snail polish.

What gas do snails prefer?
Shell.

Waiter, waiter! Do you serve snails.
Sit down, sir, we'll serve anyone.

A snail starts a slow climb up the trunk of an apple tree. He is watched by a sparrow who can't help laughing and eventually says "Don't you know there aren't any apples on the tree yet?" "Yes," said the snail, "but there will be by the time I get up there."