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Is this a secondhand shop?
Yes, sir. Good.
Can you fit one on my watch, please?

She's so stupid she thinks a shoplifter is a very strong person who goes round picking up shops.

The manager of a shop observed one of his customers in a furious argument with a junior assistant. As he hurried over, the customer finally yelled, ". . . and I shall never come into this place again!" And he stalked out, slamming the door behind him. "Hicks," said the manager severely, "how many more times must I tell you that the customer is always right." "As you wish, sir," said the junior. "He was saying you were a lopeared, bald headed, brainless idiot!"

Whenever I go to the corner shop the sales assistant shakes my hand.
Lionel: I expect it's to make sure you don't put it in the till.

When is a shop like a boat?
When it has sales.