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Why did the witch go to the psychiatrist?
Because she thought everybody loved her.

Psychiatrist: Well, what's your problem?
Patient: I prefer brown shoes to black shoes.
Psychiatrist: There's nothing wrong with that. Lots of people prefer brown shoes to black shoes. I do myself.
Patient: Really? How do your like yours - fried or boiled?

What happens if you tell a psychiatrist you are schizophrenic?
He charges you double.

"The trouble is," said the entertainer to the psychiatrist, "that I can't sing, I can't dance, I can't tell jokes, I can't act, I can't play an instrument or juggle or do magic tricks or do anything!"
"Then why don't you give up show business?"
"I can't - I'm a star!"

Patient: Doctor, you have to help me stop talking to myself.
Doctor: Why is that?
Patient: I'm a salesman and I keep selling myself things I don't want.