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Why did a man's pet vulture not make a sound for five years?
It was stuffed.

What is the difference between a poisonous snake and a school principal?
You can make a pet out of the snake.

A woman walked into a pet shop and said, "I'd like a frog for my son."
"Sorry, ma'am," said the manager, "we don't do part exchange."

What pet makes the loudest noise?
A trum-pet.

Did you hear about the witch who fed her pet vulture on sawdust?
The vulture laid ten eggs and when they hatched, nine chicks had wooden legs and the tenth was a woodpecker.

Caspar: I was the teacher's pet last year.
Jaspar: Why was that?
Caspar: She couldn't afford a dog.

Advertisement: Dog for sale. Really gentle. Eats anything. Especially fond of children.

Did you hear about the man who took his pet skunk to the cinema?
During a break in the film, the woman sitting in front, who had been most affected by the animal's smell, turned round and said in a very sarcastic voice,
"I'm surprised that an animal like that should appreciate a film like this."
"So am I," said the man. "He hated the book."

Waiter, waiter! There's a slug in my lettuce.
Sorry, madam, no pets allowed here.