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Vincent, why have you got a sausage stuck behind your ear?
Oh, no, I must have eaten my pencil for lunch!

Why is a pencil the heaviest thing in your bag?
Because it's full of lead.

Why did the man take a pencil to bed?
To draw the curtains . . .

I'd tell you another joke about a pencil, but it hasn't any point.

What do witches use pencil sharpeners for?
To keep their hats pointed.