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A new porter in Paris was instructed by the manager that it was important to call the guests by their names, in order to make them feel welcome, and that the easiest way to find out their name was to look at their luggage. Armed with this advice, the porter took two guests up to their rooms, put down their bags and said,
"I hope you have a very 'appy stay 'ere in Paris, Mr and Mrs Genuine Cowhide."

"Your daughter's only five and she can spell her name backwards? Why, that is remarkable." The headmistress was talking to a parent who was trying to impress her with the child's academic prowess so that she would be accepted into the school.
"Yes, we're very proud of her," said the mother. "And what is your daughter's name?"
"Anna."

"What's your first name?" the teacher asked a new kid.
"It's Orson, ma'am. I was named after Orson Welles, the film star."
"Just as well your last name's not Cart. Isn't it?"
"Yes ma'am. It's Trapp."

A little girl was next in line. "My name's Curtain," she said.
"I hope your first name's not Annette?"
"No. It's Velvet."

Fred: What is allocate?
Harry: That's how I say hello to my friend Catherine.

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