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How would you measure the height of the Eiffel Tower with an aneroid barometer, Alec?
I'd tie a long piece of string to it, and throw it off the top.
When it hit the ground, I'd measure the string.

Why did the math teacher take a ruler to bed with him?
He wanted to see how long he would sleep.

Why did the Irishman give up his attempt to cross the English Channel on a plank?
He couldn't find a plank that was long enough.

What is the best way to speak to a monster.
From a long distance.

Harry's very good for other people's health.
Whenever they see him coming they go for a long walk!