“A good lawyer is a great liar.”
--Edward Ward

“A lawyer is a liar with a permit to practice.”
--Anonymous

“It is hard to say whether the doctors of law or of divinity have made the greater advances in the lucrative business of mystery.”
--Samuel Goldwyn

“There is no better way to exercise the imagination than the study of the law. No artist ever interpreted nature as freely as a lawyer interprets the truth.”
--Jean Giradoux

How can you tell a lawyer is lying?
Other lawyers look interested.

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.

How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, they'd rather keep their clients in the dark.

Lawyer: “Let me give you my honest opinion.”

Client: “No, no. I’m paying for professional advice.”

Lawyer: “Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly? Did you steal the car?”

Client: “After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning, I’m beginning to think I didn’t.”

One juror overheard saying to another...”You’ll notice that neither the prosecutor or defense attorney swore to tell the truth!”

There’s an interesting new novel about two ex-convicts. One of them studies to become a lawyer, and the other decides to go straight.

What do honest lawyers and UFO's have in common?
You always hear about them, but you never see them.

What do lawyers do after they die?
They lie still.

Why don’t lawyers enjoy playing golf?
Because it’s too much like work, what with all of the lying involved.