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Home - L - Lawyer Jokes - Life at law school

A checker at the local video rental outlet noticed that there were an inordinate number of requests for Linda Blairs' old movie "The Exorcist." He recognized a couple students from his pre-law class and asked what the attraction was. They told him they thought it would be perfect for their studies, since possession is 9/10th of the law.

Anonymous saying written on a law school wall:

"In law school, time is meaningless; but in time, law school is meaningless."

Applying for a job, the new lawyer was asked if paying back his law school tuition would be a problem.

“No,” he replied. “I paid that back right after my first case.”

“Really,” said the interviewer. “What case was that?”

“Uh--well, my dad sued me for it and won.”

At the rate law schools are turning them out, by 2050 there will be more lawyers than humans.

How many law professors does it take to change a light bulb?

You need 250 just to lobby for the research grant.

The professor of a contract law class asked one of his better students, “If you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?”

The student replied, “Here’s an orange.”

The professor was outraged. “No! No! Think like a lawyer!”

The student then replied, “Okay. I’d tell him ‘I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding...’”

The reason law schools have been described as “a place for the accumulation of learning” is that first-year students bring some in, third-year students take none out—and so knowledge accumulates.

Two of the top partners of a top Houston personal-injury law firm were wooing a hot, young, Ivy League, law school graduate, whom they wanted to recruit very badly.

The firm flew him down, gave him the grand tour, showed him the fabulous suite he'd have, as well as the car and other perks. The grad took all this in, was duly impressed, and told the two partners, "This is all very impressive, and quite generous, but before I could commit to you I have to know one thing: what kind of pro bono program does the firm have?"

The two partners looked at each other, back at the grad, and asked for a minute to confer. In the corner of the conference room, they huddled briefly, then seemed to come to a consensus. They walked back over to the young graduate; whereupon the older, very distinguished partner said, "What's pro bono?"

Two smart, attractive, well-educated young law graduates, Sally and Edith, were competing for a prestigious job. As part of the job interview each was asked why she wanted the job. Edith answered that she wanted to work for a firm with a reputation of being concerned with truth and justice. When it was her turn, Sally simply opened her purse, took out a rather thin wallet and laid it on the senior partner’s desk. “I want to fatten it up as fast as possible,” she said.

Sally got the job.

What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?

A lobotomy.

What happened to the banker who went to law school?

Now she’s a loan shark.

When applying to medical school, prospective doctors must show that they are caring and compassionate. This is so the medical school will be able to measure its progress as it erases these qualities.

This also explains why applicants to law school must prove that they are honest.

Where do vampires learn to suck blood?

Law school.


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