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Home - L - Lawyer Jokes - Law does not equal justice

“A country man between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.”
--Benjamin Franklin

“I was never ruined but twice—once when I lost a lawsuit, and once when I gained one.”

--Voltaire

“In the Halls of Justice the only justice is in the halls.”

--Lenny Bruce

“Lawyers have been known to wrest from reluctant juries triumphant verdicts of acquittal for their clients, even when those clients, as often happens, were clearly and unmistakably innocent.”

--Oscar Wilde

“Litigation is a machine which you go into as a pig and come out as a sausage.”

--Ambrose Bierce

“When there are too many policemen, there can be no liberty;

When there are too many soldiers, there can be no peace;

When there are too many lawyers, there can be no justice.”

--Lin Yutang

A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery. After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.

Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: “Justice prevailed.”

The senior partner replied in haste, “Appeal immediately.”

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted $5000 to compromise this case?"

The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't heard the question. "Isn't it true that you accepted $5000 to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.

The witness still did not respond.

Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."

"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you!"

May you have a lawsuit in which you are sure you are right.

--Mexican curse

What’s the difference between baseball and law?

In baseball, if you’re caught stealing, you’re out.

When asked “What is a contingent fee?” a lawyer answered, “A contingent fee to a lawyer means, if I don’t win your suit, I get nothing. If I do win it, you get nothing.”


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