“A man who dies without a will has lawyers for his heirs.”

--Anonymous

“I used to be a lawyer, but now I am a reformed character.”

--Woodrow Wilson

“I, Lucius Titus, have written this, my testament, without any lawyer, following my own natural reason rather than excessive and miserable diligence.”

--The Will of a Citizen of Rome

“Imagine the appeals dissents and remandments if lawyers had written the Ten Commandments.”

--Harry Bender

“Necessity knows no law, I know some lawyers are the same.”

--Benjamin Franklin.

“The law is an ass.”

--Charles Dickens

“There was a young lawyer who showed up at a revival meeting and was asked to deliver a prayer. Unprepared, he gave a prayer from a lawyer’s heart: ‘Stir up much strife amongst thy people, Lord, lest thy servant perish.’”

--- Senator Sam Ervin

A quote attributed to Founding Father John Adams in the play “1776”: “I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, two men are called a law firm, and three or more become a Congress.”

A quote from Evelle J. Younger:

"An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer."

An experienced editor trying to explain the newspaper to a cub reporter:

"You can't sell any papers with a 'dog bites man' story, but 'Client Runs Off with Attorney's Funds" —why, that would sell out a special edition."

Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers?

It’s called Sosumi.

Diogenes went to look for an honest lawyer.

“How’s it going?” he was asked.

“Not too bad,” he replied. “I still have my lantern.”

For a good time, hire a hooker,

For a lot of time, hire my attorney.

--Anonymous Prison Cell Graffiti

I used to wonder why so many lawyers wore turtleneck shirts.

Turns out I had it all wrong.

Lawyers don't wear turtlenecks -- they're just uncircumcised!

If builders built buildings the way lawyers write laws, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.

Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

Q. What's wrong with lawyer jokes?

A. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other people don't think they're jokes.

Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down a street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred-dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course, the other three are mythological creatures.

St. Yves is from Brittany

A lawyer but not a thief

Such a thing is beyond belief!

--14th century rhyme

What’s the skinniest book ever published?

Legal Ethics.