“Education is worth a whole lot. Just think--with enough education and brains the average man would make a good lawyer--and so would the average lawyer.”

---Gracie Allen

A lawyer discussing trial strategy with his partner said, “When I address the jury, I’ll plead for clemency.”
“Nothing doing!” shouted his partner. “Let Clemency get his own lawyer.”

A lawyer’s job is secure—who would build a robot to do nothing?

A man went to a brain surgeon to request a brain transplant. He noted prices were different for brains available from various donors. A doctor’s brain was $500, a banker’s brain was $1,500 and a scientist's brain was $2,500. Then he noticed a brain in the far recesses of the room that had a price tag of $50,000. When he inquired about the unusually high price, the surgeon replied, “Oh, that’s a lawyer’s brain—it’s never been used!”

After examining the contents of the employee suggestion box, the senior partner of the law firm complained, “I wish they’d be more specific. What kind of kite? What lake?”

Lawyers and computers have both been proliferating since 1970. Unfortunately, lawyers, unlike computers, have not gotten twice as smart and half as expensive every 18 months.

The other day a lawyer remarked to a friend, “I just finished a puzzle and it only took me five months.”

“Five months?” her friend asked. “That seems like an awfully long time to do a puzzle.”

“Not at all,” she explained. “The box says 6 to 12 years.”

Two lawyers were out hunting when they came upon a couple of tracks. After close examination, the first lawyer declared them to be deer tracks. The second lawyer disagreed, insisting they must be elk tracks.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.