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What's it called when a vampire kisses you goodnight?
Necking.

Two old men were talking over old times and saying how much things had changed. "I mean," said the first, "I caught one of the boys kissing one of the girls yesterday."
"Extraordinary," said the second.
"I didn't even kiss my wife before I married her, did you?"
"I can't remember. What was her maiden name?"

"Do you know the difference between roast chicken and a long, lingering kiss?" a boss asked his secretary one day. "No. I don't," she said. "Great!" said the boss. "Let's have chicken for lunch."

Fred: What would it take to make you give me a kiss?
Betty: An anaesthetic.

Fred: Did you hear about Jim's new wife?
Betty: No, what about her?
Fred: She's so ugly that when they got married everyone kissed him.