Home - H - Hand Jokes
Teacher: Dennis! When you yawn you should put your hand to your mouth.
Dennis: What, and get it bitten?
Which hand should you use to stir your tea?
Neither - you should use a spoon!
What did the big, hairy monster do when he lost a hand?
He went to the second-hand shop.
Did you hear about the monster who had an extra pair of hands? Where did he keep them?
In a handbag.
Which hand would you use to grab a poisonous snake?
Grub hold of my hand and let's go!
"Waiter, waiter,there's a hand in my soup."
"That's not your soup, sir, that's your finger bowl."
"Can I have some two-handed cheese, please?" a man in a restaurant asked the waiter.
"What do you mean, 'two-handed cheese'?' asked the waiter.
"You know, the kind you eat with one hand and hold your nose with the other."
Doctor: You seem to be in excellent health, Mrs Smith. Your pulse is as steady and regular as clockwork.
Mrs Smith: That's because you've got your hand on my watch.