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What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese.

"What shall we play today?" said Theresa to her best friend Emma. "Let's play schools," said Emma. "OK!" said Theresa. "But I'm going to be absent."

My friend is so stupid that he thinks twice before saying nothing.

My friend is so stupid he thinks that an autograph is a chart showing sales figures for cars.

A friend in need is ?
Someone to avoid!