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What do ghosts say when a girl football player is sent off?
Ban-she, ban-she!

Why is the ghouls' football pitch wet?
Because players keep dribbling on it.

George knocked on the door of his friend's house. When his friend's mother answered he said, "Can Albert come out to play?" "No," said the mother, "it's too cold." "Well, then," said George, "can his football come out to play?"

I thought, Jessop, that you wanted yesterday afternoon off because you were seeing your dentist? That's right, sir. So how come I saw you coming out of the football stadium with a friend at the end of the game? That was my dentist.

Why do centipedes make such poor football players?
By the time they put their boots on, the match is nearly over.

Some more vampires went to see Dracula. They said, "Drac, we're going to start a football team."
"Great," he said, "I'll be ghoulie."
They said, "When we've had a bit of practice we'll challenge the human beings to a game."
Dracula said, "Be careful, the stakes will be high."
They said," No, we've got this brilliant idea. We'll have these very long games which'll tire them out. The first half will run from dusk to midnight and the second half from midnight till dawn."
Dracula said, "And what happens if it goes to extra time?"