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Home - F - Face Jokes

What is grey and hairy and lives on a man's face?
A mousetache.

Louise was watching her big sister covering her face with cream.
"What's that for?" she asked.
"To make me beautiful," came the reply.
Louise then watched in silence as she wiped her face clean.
"Doesn't work, does it?" was her comment.

What happened when the witch went for a job as a TV presenter?
The producer said she had the perfect face for radio.

Fred: You have the face of a saint.
Jill: Really? Which one?
Fred: A Saint Bernard.

Fred: You've got a Roman nose.
Harry: Like Julius Caesar?
Fred: No, it's roamin' all over your face.

Witch: Doctor, I can't help pulling ugly faces.
Doctor: Well there's nothing terrible about that.
Witch: It is when the people with ugly faces don't like them being pulled.

A little boy came running into the kitchen. "Dad, dad," he said, "there's a monster at the door with a really ugly face."
"Tell him you've already got one," said his father.

Boy: You've got a face like a million dollars.
Girl: Have I really?
Boy: Yes ? it's green and wrinkly.

Fred's new girlfriend uses such greasy lipstick that he has to sprinkle his face with sand to get a better grip.

A woman just back from Arizona was telling her friends about the trip.
"When my husband first saw the Grand Canyon, his face dropped a mile," she said.
"Why, was he disappointed with the view?"
"No, he fell over the edge."

Two boys were watching TV when the fabulous face and figure of Pamela Anderson appeared on the screen. "if I ever stop hating girls," said one to the other, "I think I'll stop hating her first."

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.

Did you hear about the witch who was so ugly that when a tear rolls down her cheek it takes one look at her face and rolls straight up again?

Fred: Your sister uses too much make-up.
Harry: Do you think so?
Fred: Yes. It's so thick that if you tell her a joke, five minutes after she's stopped laughing her face is still smiling!

Wife to Husband: I'll have you know I've got the face of a teenager!
Husband to Wife: Then you should give it back, you're wearing it out.

Patient: The trouble is, doctor, I keep pulling ugly faces.
Doctor: Don't worry, I don't expect anyone will notice.

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Alec.
Alec who?
Alec most people but I don't like your face.

Fred: Do you like my new hairstyle?
Harry: In as much as it covers most of your face, yes.

You can read his mind in his face.
Yes, it's usually a complete blank.

First Witch: I like your toad. He always has such a nice expression on his face.
Second Witch: It's because he's a hoptimist.

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