Home - E - Eyes Jokes

The police are looking for a thief with one eye
Why don't they use two?

What did one of the monster's eyes say to the other?
Between us is something that smells.

What's big, red and prickly, has three eyes and eats rocks.
A big, red, prickly, three-eyed, rock-eating monster.

What kinds of wizards have their eyes closest together?
The smallest ones.

There was a big monster called Ned
Who had eyes at the back of his head.
When asked where he's going
"I've no way of knowing.
But I know where I've been to," he said.

First monster: That pretty girl over there just rolled her eyes at me.
Second monster: Well you'd better roll them back to her, she might need them.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Reuben.
Reuben who?
Reuben my eyes 'cos I can't believe how ugly you are !

I have two noses, three eyes and only one ear.
What am I?
Very ugly.

Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies?
He used to keep it in his back pocket.

Did you hear about the monster with one eye at the back of his head, and one at the front?
He was terribly moody because he couldn't see eye to eye with himself.

What did the little eye say to the big eye?
Aye, aye, Captain!

His left eye must be fascinating.
Why do you say that? Because his right eye looks at it all the time.