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Learner driver: What happens when everything's coming your way? Instructor: You're in the wrong lane.

Why did the stupid racing driver make ten pit stops during the Indy 500?
He was asking for directions.

"Take the wheel, Harry!" said the nervous lady driver. "There's a tree coming straight for us!"

A man whose son had just passed his driving test went home one evening and found that the boy had driven slap into the living room. "How did you manage to do that?" he fumed. "Quite simple, Dad. I came in through the kitchen and turned left!"

You know all that talk about backseat driving?

Well, I've been driving all my life and can safely say that I've never heard a word from the back seat.

What kind of car do you drive?

A hearse!

My sister's a really bad driver.
:hat makes you say that?
Every time she goes out in the car, Dad puts a glass panel in the floor so that she can see who she's run over.