Home - D - Dog Jokes

What fish do dogs chase?
Catfish.

My dog plays chess.
Your dog plays chess?
He must be really clever!
Oh, I don't know. I usually beat him three times out of four.

Teacher: Who can tell me what "dogma" means?
Pupil: It's a lady dog that's had puppies, sir.

What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound.

Would you like to play with our new dog?
He looks very fierce. Does he bite?
That's what I want to find out.

Mother: Keep that dog out of the house, it's full of fleas.
Son: Keep out of the house, Fido, it's full of fleas.

Why did the skeleton run up a tree?
Because a dog was after its bones.

Jim: Our dog is just like one of the family.
Fred: Which one?

My dog saw a sign that said: "Wet Paint" ? so he did!

"Keep that dog out of my garden. It smells disgusting!" a neighbor said to a small boy one day. The boy went home to tell everyone to stay away from the neighbor's garden because of the smell!

A blind man went into a shop, picked up his dog by the tail and swung it around his head. "Can I help you?" asked the assistant. "No thanks," said the blind man, "I'm just looking around."

What dog smells of onions?
A hot dog.

So you are distantly related to the family next door, are you ?
Yes - their dog is our dog's brother.

A man who bought a dog took it back, complaining that it made a mess all over the house. "I thought you said it was house trained," he moaned. "It is," said the previous owner. "It won't go anywhere else."

"Why are you crying, little boy?"
"'Cos we've just had to have our dog put to sleep!" sobbed the lad.
"Was he mad?" asked the old lady.
"Well, he wasn't too happy about it.

Mandy had a puppy on a leash. She met Sandy and said, "I just got this puppy for my little brother." "Really?" said Sandy. "Whoever did you find to make a swap like that?"