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What does a monster mom say to her kids at dinnertime?
Don't talk with someone in your mouth.

I smother my dinner with honey.
I've done it all my life.
It makes the food taste funny.
But the peas stay on my knife.

"How do you spell 'blancmange'?" the cook asked her assistant when she was chalking up the lunch menu.
"Er . . . b.l.a.m n o . . . er b.l.a.a . no. .
"Never mind," said the cook."Tony," she shouted to the other assistant.
"Open a tin of rice pudding will you?"

What did the school cook say when the teacher told her off for putting her finger in his soup?
It's all right, it isn't hot.

Fred, sniffing: Smells like UFO for dinner tonight, chaps.
Harry: What's UFO?
Fred: Unidentified Frying Objects.

What did the baby ghost eat for dinner?
A boo-loney sandwich.

Pupil to a school cook: Excuse me, but I have a complaint.
School cook: This is the cafeteria, not the doctor's office.

The food at the club dinner was awful. The soup tasted like dishwater, the fish was spoiled, the meat was overcooked, the vegetables were obviously old. The last straw for one member was the custard which was lumpy. "This meal is disgusting!" he roared.
"And what's more, I'm going to bring it up at the annual meeting next week!"

"Is my dinner hot?" asked the excessively late husband.
"It should be," said his furious wife, "It's been on the fire since seven o'clock!"