Home - D - Dead Jokes

What's the difference between a very old, shaggy Yeti and a dead bee?
One's a seedy beast and the other's a deceased bee.

What lies on the ground 100 feet up in the air and smells?
A dead centipede.

What is the difference between a musician and a dead body?
One composes and the other decomposes.

What has four legs, a tail, whiskers and flies?
A dead cat.

What do you call a man who has been dead and buried for thousands of years?
Pete.

What's a zombie's favorite pop song?
Dead sails in the sunset.

What do you find in a zombie's veins?
Dead blood corpuscles.

Where do ghosts go for their holidays?
The Dead Sea.

There was an old man called Jake
Who had a poisonous snake
It bit his head
And now he's dead
So that was the end of Jake.

First ghoul: You don't look too well today.
Second ghoul: No, I'm dead on my feet.

Did you hear about the man who left his job at the mortuary?
It was a dead end job.

Did you hear about the two men who were cremated at the same time?
It was a dead heat.

If a man was born in England, raised in America and died in Spain, what does that make him?
Dead.

Doctor, doctor, I feel dead from the waist down.
I'll arrange for you to be hal fburied.

Waiter, waiter! There's a dead fly in my soup.
Oh no! Who's going to look after his family?

Why did the monster take a dead man for a drive in his car?
Because he was a car-case.

Teacher: If I had ten flies on my desk, and I swatted one, how many flies would be left?
Girl: One - the dead one!