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Say something soft and sweet to me. Dracula: Marshmallows, chocolate fudge cake...

Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now there's only one. Why?
Fred: I don't know. It must have been so dark I didn't see the other one.

I went to see my doctor to see if he could help me give up smoking.
What did he say?
He suggested that every time I felt like a smoke I should reach for a bar of chocolate.
Did that do any good?
No - I can't get the chocolate to light.