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Home - C - Cannibal Jokes

When do cannibals cook you?
On Fried-days.

What does a cannibal eat with cheese?
Pickled organs.

How can you help a starving cannibal?
Give him a helping hand.

What happened when the cannibals ate a comedian?
They had a feast of fun.

What happens if you upset a cannibal?
You get into hot water.

What did the cannibal say when he came home and found his wife chopping up a python and a pygmy?
Oh no, not snake and pygmy pie again!

What did the cannibal say when he was full?
I couldn't eat another mortal.

Why was the cannibal fined by the judge?
He was caught poaching.

What happened when the cannibal ate the speaking clock?
It repeated on him.

How did the cannibal turn over a new leaf?
He became a vegetarian.

What is a cannibal's favorite food?
Baked Beings.

Why did the cannibal live on his own?
He was fed up with other people.

Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation?
He said, "So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."

Why do cannibals make suitcases out of people's heads?
Because they're headcases.

What happened when a cannibal went on a self-catering holiday?
He ate himself.

There was a young cannibal from Kew,
Whose girlfriend said "I'll be true,
But please understand
That as well as my hand
The rest of me comes along, too.

First cannibal: I can't find anything to eat!
Second cannibal: But the jungle's full of people.
First cannibal: Yes, but they're all very unsavory.

Did you hear about the cannibals who captured a scrawny old hunter?
It sure gave them something to chew over.

Did you hear about the cannibal family who were caught spying by the witch-doctor?
They were given a right roasting.

Two cannibals were having their dinner. One said to the other "I don't like your friend."
The other one said, "Well, put him to one side and just eat the vegetables."

The cannibal priest told his flock to close their eyes and say grace.
"For whosoever we are about to eat, may the Lord make us truly thankful."

"Well, children," said the cannibal cooking teacher. "What did you make of the new English teacher?"
"Burgers, ma'am."

Two cannibals were having lunch.
"Your wife makes a great soup," said one to the other.
"Yes!" agreed the first. "But I'm going to miss her terribly."

First Cannibal: Who was that girl I saw you with last night?
Second Cannibal: That was no girl, that was my supper.

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