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First cannibal: We had burglars last night.
Second cannibal: Did they taste good?

A woman woke her husband in the middle of the night. "There's a burglar downstairs eating the cake that I made this morning."
"Who shall I call," her husband asked, "police or ambulance?"

Fred: We had a burglary last night, and they took everything except the soap and towels.
Harry: The dirty crooks.

Why did the burglar take a shower?
He wanted to make a clean getaway

What did the burglar say to the watchmaker as he tied him up?
Sorry to take so much of your valuable time.

Judge: Why did you steal that bird?
Prisoner: For a lark, sir.

Judge: You claim you robbed the grocery store because you were starving. So why didn't you take the food instead of the cash out of the till?
Burglar: Your Honour! I'm a proud man, sir, and I make it a rule to pay for everything I eat.

I think I hear burglars, dear. Are you awake?
No!

Judge: Tell me your occupation.
Prisoner; I'm a locksmith, Your Honour.
Judge: Then what were you doing in a jewellery shop in the middle of the night when the police saw you?
Prisoner; Making a bolt for the door!

What did the burglar give his wife for her birthday?
A stole.

Reporter: My editor sent me to do the burglary.
Policeman: You're too late - it's already been done.