Home - B - Bath Jokes

How do vampire football players get the mud off?
They all get in the bat-tub.

Which villains steal soap from the bath?
Robber ducks.

Boy: Dad, dad, there's a spider in the bath.
Dad: What's wrong with that? You've seen spiders before.
Boy: Yes, but this one is three feet wide and using all the hot water!

Doctor: And did you drink your medicine after your bath, Mrs Soap?
Mrs Soap: No, doctor. By the time I'd drunk the bath there wasn't room for medicine.

The plumber was working in a house when the lady of the house said to him, "Will it be alright if I have a bath while you're having your lunch?"
"It's okay with me lady," said the plumber, "as long as you don't splash my sandwiches."

Robot: I have to dry my feet carefully after a bath.
Monster: Why? Robot: Otherwise I get rusty nails.

Dr Frankenstein: I've just invented something that everyone in the world will want! You know how you get a nasty ring around the bathtub every time you use it, and you have to clean the ring off?
Igor: Yes, I hate it.
Dr Frankenstein: Well, you need never have a bathtub ring again! I've invented the square tub . . .

Did you hear about the idiot who had a new bath put in?
The plumber said, "Would you like a plug for it?"
The idiot replied, "Oh, I didn't know it was electric."

Hotel guest: Can you give me a room and a bath, please?
Porter: I can give you a room, but you'll have to wash yourself.

Mom: Joe, time for your medicine.
Joe: I'll run the bath then.
Mom: Why?
Joe: Because on the bottle it says "to be taken in water."

Does your brother keep himself clean?
Oh, yes. He takes a bath every month whether he needs one or not.

Doctor: Your system needs freshening up a bit. I suggest you take a cold bath every morning.

Patient: Oh, but I do, doctor.

Doctor: You do?

Patient: Yes, every morning I take a nice cold bath and fill it with nice hot water!

Doctor: The best time to take a bath is before retiring.
Patient: You mean I don't need another bath until I'm sixty-five?

Why did the bank robber take a bath?
So he could make a clean getaway.

Adam: How did Mummy know you hadn't had a bath?
Eve: I forgot to dirty the towel, wet the soap and flood the bathroom.

Nick: Can you tell me the way to Bath? Rick: I use soap and water, personally.

Are you going to take a bath?
No, I'm leaving it where it

My mother says I look just like an animal when I'm in the bath - a little bear.

Mum, does God use the bathroom?
No, what a funny question!
Then why did Dad say this morning, 'Oh, God, are you still in there?'