Home - A - Aunt Jokes

Did you hear about the cannibal spider that ate his uncle's wife?
He was an aunteater.

Girl: We had Aunt Maud for lunch last Sunday.
Boy: Really? We had roast beef.

A rather stern aunt had been staying with Fred's parents, and one day she said to the little girl,
"Well, Fred, I'm going tomorrow. Are you sorry?"
"Oh yes, Auntie," replied Fred, "I thought you were going today."

Mother: Fred, why did you put a slug in your aunt's bed?
Fred: Because I couldn't find a snake.

My Aunt Helen has got so many double chins it looks like she is peering over a pile of pancakes.

My Aunt Edna is so fat, Uncle Tom has to stand up in bed each morning to see if it's daylight.

My aunt has a sore throat. What should she do?
Take auntiseptic !

Auntie Maud bought herself a new rear-engine European car. She took an old friend for a drive, but after only half a mile the car broke down. Both women got out and opened up the front of the car.
"Oh. Maud," said her friend, "you've lost your engine!"
"Never mind, dear," said auntie. "I've got a spare one in the trunk."

Crazy Aunt Maud received a letter one morning, and upon reading it burst into floods of tears.
"What's the matter?" asked her companion.
"Oh dear," sobbed Auntie, "It's my favorite nephew. He's got three feet."
"Three feet?" exclaimed her friend.
"Surely that's not possible?"
"Well," said Auntie, "his mother's just written to tell me he's grown another foot !"

There was a young witch from Nantes
Who hated each one of her aunts
So she buried the lot
In her vegetable plot
And grew some remarkable plants.

How do you make antifreeze?
Hide her nightdress.