Home - A - Army Jokes

What's the maggot army called?
The apple corps.

Why did King Kong join the army?
He wanted to know about gorilla warfare.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Army Ant.
Army Ant who?
Army Ants coming for tea then?

What do you get if you cross a centipede with a chicken?
Enough drumsticks for an army.

Mum: Fred, where are you off to now?
Fred: I'm going to join the army.
Mum: But legally you're only an infant.
Fred: That's all right. I'm going to join the infantry.

Recruiting sergeant: So you want to join the army. What's your name?
Recruit: Fish, sir.
Recruiting sergeant: OK, you can go in the Tank Regiment.

I was in the army for five years.
Commission?
No, straight salary.

Did you hear about the recruit who was asked what he was before he joined the army and said, 'Happy, Sergeant'?

Rick: Russia has a standing army of over two million soldiers. Nick: I never knew Russia was so short of chairs.

How long were you in the Army?
Oh, about six feet two.

Who has the biggest boots in the British Army?
The soldier with the biggest feet.

Did you hear about the accident at the Army base?
No, what happened?
A truck ran over a tin of corn and killed two kernels.