Home - A - Arithmetic Jokes

Teacher: Are you good at arithmetic?
Fred: Well, yes and no.
Teacher: What do you mean, yes and no?
Fred: Yes, I'm no good at arithmetic.

Mother: Fred! You came bottom out of ten in arithmetic!
Fred: Yes, Mum, but it could have been worse.
Mother: How?
Fred: I could have been in Joe's group and come bottom out of twenty.

Fred: Why are you scratching your head?
Harry: I've got those arithmetic bugs again.
Fred: Arithmetic bugs ? what are they?
Harry: Well, some people call them head lice.
Fred: Then why do you call them arithmetic bugs?
Harry: Because they add to my misery, subtract from my pleasure, divide my attention and multiply like crazy!

Teacher: Now, Fred, if your father borrows $10 from me and pays me back at $1 a month, at the end of 6 months how much will he owe me?
Fred: $10, sir.
Teacher: I'm afraid you don't know much about arithmetic, Fred.
Fred: I'm afraid you don't know much about my father!

Fred arrived home from school covered in spots.
"Whatever's the matter?" asked her mother.
"I don't know," replied Fred, "but the teacher thinks I may have caught decimals."

Teacher: I told you to write this poem out twenty times because your handwriting is so bad.
Fred: I'm sorry Miss - my arithmetic's not that good either.

What did the arithmetic book say to the geometry book?
Boy! Do we have our problems !

If I slice two oranges and two apples into ten pieces each, what will that make?
Fruit salad.

Who can tell me what five and five make?
Ten!
Good.
Good? That's perfect!

If you add 2,506 and 6,205, multiply that by 6 and divide by 22, what would you get?
The wrong answer.

In Old Testament times, how did people do arithmetic?
They listened to the Lord when he told them to multiply.

If I gave you three hamsters, and the next day gave you three more, how many would you have?
Seven.
Seven?
Yes, I've got one already.

Trainee accountant: I've added these figures ten times.
Chartered accountant: Well done!
Trainee: And here are my ten answers.

Father: Maths was my best subject at school. I can't understand why you don't get better marks.
Son: But, Dad, I did get 9 out of 10.
Father: Yes, but 60 per cent isn't good enough.

Why are you taking your arithmetic homework to the gym?
I have to reduce some fractions.

Teacher: If one and one makes two, and two and two makes four, what does four and four make?
Pupil: Why do you always answer the easy ones and ask me the hard ones?

What are arithmetic bugs?
Mosquitoes - because they add to misery, subtract from pleasure, divide your attention, and multiply quickly.

If you had a pound and you asked your mother for another pound, how many pounds would you have?
One.
You don't know your arithmetic.
You don't know my mother.