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Home - A - Apple Jokes

What did one maggot say to the other who was stuck in an apple?
Worm your way out of that one, then!

Why didn't the two worms go into Noah's ark in an apple?
Because everyone had to go in pairs !

What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple?
Finding half a maggot in your apple !

What lives in apples and is an avid reader?
A bookworm !

First apple: You look down in the dumps. What's eating you?
Second apple: Worms, I think.

What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?
A crab apple !

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.

Two boys were eating a snack lunch in the school yard. One had an apple and the other said, "Watch out for worms won't you!" The first one replied, "Why should I? They can watch out for themselves."

How do you get the most apples at Halloween?
Take a snorkel.

Fred came rushing in to his Dad. "Dad!" he puffed, "is it true that an apple a day keeps the doctor away?"
"That's what they say," said his Dad.
"Well, give me an apple quick ? I've just broken the doctor's window!"

School lunches are not generally popular with those that have to eat them, and sometimes with good reason.
"What kind of pie do you call this ?" asked one schoolboy indignantly.
"What's it taste of ?" asked the cook.
"Glue!"
"Then it's apple pie, the plum pie tastes of soap."

Doctor, doctor! I feel like an apple !
Doctor: We must get to the core of this !

How do you make an apple puff?
Chase it round the garden

How does an apple a day keep the doctor away?
When you take careful aim.

What is red and goes putt, putt, putt?
An outboard apple.

Once upon a time there were five apples
Which was the cowboy?
None - because they were all redskins.

What can a whole apple do that half an apple can't do?
It can look round.

How do you make an apple turnover?
Push it down hill.

If an apple a day keeps the doctor away, what does an onion do?
Keeps everyone away.

Dad, do you like baked apples?
Yes son, why?
The orchard's on fire.

Mum! The kids all call me Big head at school.
Never mind that, go out to the orchard and pick up all the windfalls in your cap, like I asked you.

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