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Home - A - American Jokes

What do you call an American drawing?
A Yankee Doodle.

Why is the silkworm not raised in America?
Because Americans get silk from the rayon which is larger and gives more silk.

Where do American ghosts go on holiday?
Lake Eerie.

What happened when two American stoats got married?
They became the United Stoats of America

Where does an American cow come from?
Moo York.

Who rides a dog and was a Confederate general during the American Civil War?
Robert E. Flea.

"Where's your pencil, Bud?" the teacher asked an American boy who had just come to school in Britain.
"I ain't got one, Sir."
"You're in England.now, Bud. Not ain't, haven't. I haven't got a pencil. You haven't got a pencil. They haven't got a pencil."
"Gee!" said Bud. "Pop said things were tough in this country, but I didn't know pencils were so hard to come by."

An American tourist was visiting a quaint country village, and got talking to an old man in the local pub. "And have you lived here all your life, Sir?" asked the American.
"Not yet, m'dear," said the villager wisely.

What's an American cat's favorite car?
A Catillac.

Why are American schoolchildren extremely healthy?
Because they have a good constitution.

Two neighbours were having a chat across the garden fence.
"My son's learning to play football," said one.
"Oh, really," said the other. "What position does he play?"
"The coach says he's a drawback."

A huge American car screeched to a halt in a sleepy English village, and the driver called out to a local inhabitant,
"Say, am I on the right road for Shakespeare's birthplace?"
"Ay, straight on, sir," said the rustic, "but no need to hurry. He's dead."

An Irishman joined the American Air Force and was making his first parachute jump. The instructor said,
"When you jump out of the plane, shout Geronimo and pull the ripcord."
When the Irishman woke up in hospital a few days later the first thing he said was, "What was the name of that Indian again?"

What do you call an American with a lavatory on his head ?
John.

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