Home - A - Accident Jokes

"Now as I understand it, Sir," said the police officer to the motorist, "you were driving this vehicle when the accident occurred. Can you tell me what happened?"
"I'm afraid not, officer," replied the motorist. "I had my eyes shut!"

Did you hear about the millionaire who had a bad accident ?
He fell off his wallet.

Doctor: So tell me how it happened that you burnt both your ears.
Patient: I was ironing when the telephone went and I answered the iron by mistake.
Doctor: But you burnt them both!
Patient: Well, as soon as I put the phone down it rang again.

Policeman: Now, sir, how did you come to have this accident?
Motorist: Well, the sign just there says, `Stop ? Look ? Listen'. And while I was doing that the train hit me.

Why couldn't the motorist help the police at the scene of the accident?
Because he'd had his eyes shut at the time.

A man cut his hand at work and was told by the doctor that it would have to be stitched.
`Oh, that's fine,' said the injured man. `Sew this button back on to my shirt at the same time, would you?'

Mother: Be careful, Billy, most home accidents happen in the kitchen.
Fred: I know, I have to eat them.

A farmer was interviewing a young man for the job of assistant farmhand.

`You'll need to be fit,' said the farmer. `Have you ever had any illnesses? Any accidents?'

'No, sir,' replied the young man proudly. `But you're on crutches. You must have had an accident!' said the farmer.

`Oh, the crutches!' said the young man. `A bull tossed me last week. But that wasn't an accident! He did it on purpose!'

That dress fits you like a bandage.
Yes, I bought it by accident.